--6/16, and not a good mood--

I'm at work, again. This has been the first entry in quite a while done while at work, simply because I moved from being a computer page (a largely thankless job in which you move around the library like some hated shadow, something I hate, too; because while there's infinite fun in the excitement of the hunt of people looking at pornography and kicking them out of the library, most of the time you walk about and hate children for freezing computers and people in chat rooms) to being a regular page (where I can do things that make a noticable difference in the library, like shelving.) However, today I'm filling in for the regular computer page. I sincerely feel my boss owes me for this.

I think that it's easy to like humanity, provided you never really see it. I was starting to have hope for the human race for a second there, while I was working the quiet and somewhat satisfying job as a regular page. Thank god my boss scheduled me in here. Just seeing some of them makes me sick--little children, fat and wearing a bikini top around, making me wonder if their moms really want them to be whores or not; women with sagging breasts and black teeth dragging their screaming child down the walk by one hand, that hand grubby and dirty-nailed and looking like it's about to pull right off the child, and I find myself wishing it would, because then the child might shut up; men with weak chins and watery eyes that dart about, looking to see if anyone is noticing them going to the 12-13 chatrooms in Yahoo.com, and, seeing me, quickly click out of them; families dropping their ugly whelps at the library and then leaving--no doubt to get hammered, to wonder why they had such demons in the first place. No offense to demons, of course. And this is at a library. A frickin' library. Really. There are entire hoards of people who aren't even aware they exist. What are those folks like, if the ones here are so abhorant?

It's strange. I'm usually pretty peaceful at heart, and a bit of a pacifist. But maybe that's just my ivory tower speaking, and maybe this is how I should really feel. Like 90% of humanity needs to be washed away.

In a way, it makes me wonder, though. We work so hard to keep humanity alive, and yet, if this is all it amounts to...? I know that's not nesecarily true. I know that, once I get back to being a regular page this annoyance will fade. But yet, but yet--there is something frightening about it all, somehow. Our population keeps rising. What are we going to do with all those people? Especially if they're like this? Even if we do get someone to "take care of the problem," who will they be to judge which should stay and which should go?

In some ways, I feel mother nature may be taking care of us, or at least trying to--the chemicals surrounding our lives are slowly killing us, the new diseases are more frighting (and the cures harder to find,) homosexuality (and, therefor, a misplaced desire to breed) seemingly rising... Still, only the last of these is anything to smile upon at all. When we feel out doom, we all want a cure, no matter if we deserve it or not.

I don't know what to feel about this all. Only that we need to do something. Right now, I'm surrounded by children. More children that the world doesn't need. What are we going to do? Nature can't do anything about it. At this rate, we're conquering infertility, as well--one of the few safeguards given us.

Then again, perhaps the question isn't "what are we going to do," but rather, "what can we do, if anything?" There's no way to govern bodies. And we all know it. Perhaps, in the end, all we can do is wait. Wait for the end.

Have a nice night, and for goodness sakes, use a goddamned condom, you idiot.