--8/25--

Yea, I still exist. Feeling kinda cheap for not updating in so long, but, on the other hand, it's not like anything has really happened, and occasionally we all go through weeks where we forget who we are and that we probably should be writing.

I never write enough. It seems like I should be more often--honestly, I'd dream to update this thing daily, but I barely have the willpower to check my EMAIL daily, and that's something to be said.

I still haven't seen Jay and Silent Bob. No chance to do so, yet--yesterday I was in Seattle (where nothing was really accomplished. Big cities never put the store you want where you happen to be, and it took us two hours to find one dress shop) and today I'm off to "the fair," which, in this town, you're legally required to go to because it's the only thing that really happens all year. Anyway, I have a cardboard cut-out of Bill Cosby that needs to ride the Ferris wheel, and pronto. Tomorrrow, I promise myself. Tomorrow I see Jay and Silent Bob. It's illegal not to.

I actually might have been able to fit it in today, but I didn't feel up to coordinating everyone. Too much coffee again. Denny's coffee seems to leap out and scream "Drink me!" and you have no choice. It's part of the routine: drink too much coffee, talk about nothing for two hours, go to the 99 cent store, the Pic-N-Save (which has since changed its name to "Big Lots," which makes little, if any, sense) and laugh at the merchandise. Still upset that the Trix with Hebrew writing and the Cheerios with Arabic have all been sold; I was enjoying reenacting the middle east crisis with a complete part of my balanced breakfast. Still, they have Rainbow Prince (It's a Ken doll, and possibly the doll with the most homosexual overtones of all time. There's seriously nothing more fun than running in yelling "RAINBOW PRINCE!" and fawning over him. There's a Rainbow Princess as well, but she's not at all hilarious. They're naturally those "multiracial" Barbies that Mattel started making in an effort to cover up the sexism, and, of course, the only ones in the bargain-bin store are the African-American Kens, and the Asian and African-American Barbies, because all the kids want to be playing with Super Aryan Barbie. However, according to the picture, Super Aryan Rainbow Prince is at least 1,000 times more fruity than Multiracial Rainbow Prince.) He's got that sparkle in his eye that really makes you wonder. This guy's white horse has a rainbow sticker, and he's sick of saving you princesses, okay? Rock on, Rainbow Prince. You're my hero.

They also have other amusing toys I want to buy someday, like the "Listen and Learn" toy about marine life, with the voice of a Eastern European robot that just learned English, and the erotic GI-Joes, with their hands cupped and mouths wide. The entire thing is like an extended joke: "We've got your headless woman statues, come laugh today!"

Not that the 99-cent store is any better. They have cheaper, crappier headless women, and are proud of it. They also have coloring books with disturbing pictures. Want to give your child nightmares? Buy the coloring book with a bear groping a camel! Make them color smiling lamps that still glow when unplugged!

Today, though, the store smelled badly, of cleaner or maybe 99 cent perfume. So we didn't stay long. Anyway, their halloween statues weren't that funny. They just make you wonder what nine year old children chained to machines in foreign countries think of us. "They buy figurines of babies wearing baboon costumes? They enjoy statuettes of children with tumors? America is scary!"

Indeed it is, penny-a-day child. Indeed it is.

Perhaps, someday, Rainbow Prince will save you. Once you're done making him for minimum profit.

Have a nice night.