Ingredients:

-Campbell's Tomato Noodle soup, one tin of.

-ramen, one package

-soy sauce

-garlic salt.

Directions:

-Realize you're going to be up all night working on this damn report, if you like it or not.

-Realize you're going to be in a car for hours with no warm meals.

-Get your can of soup.

-Find a clean pan. If there are none, lazily swill water around in one. Pretend it's clean.

-Follow the directions on the back of the can. Think "okay. I can cook this. If Andy Warhol could, so can I." Panic every few minutes, because it has to be way more complex than "soup + water + heat." Has to be.

-Put soup in bowl. This bowl does not have to be clean, but preferably it should not have hairs in it.

-Burn hands carrying bowl back to room. Leave pan in sink. Someone else will do it.

-Add garlic salt. Lots of. Do not taste soup first.

-Eat for a few minutes. Think of how people have crackers in soup. Crazy cracker-owning people.

-Smash a package of ramen, dumping small amounts of it into the bowl at a time. It gets all cooked and shit with the heat, and the crunch is half the fun.

-Add more garlic salt.

-Realize nothing is ever too salty, and dump soy sauce in.

-Celebrate the glory of you. You win, college student! Finish that essay! Or write a journal entry on soup.

Goddamn.