--obviously we're jumping about here. Not many of the old entries were /good./ This was 6/4--

Everyone reviews books, movies and video games. I understand this. It�s an easy rut to get into. But there�s more to this world to review than that! I must go against the flow! I must... review the box of Triscuits that has been on my desk for an unknown amount of time!

This box of Triscuits must be one of the world�s most entertaining things, to have been on my computer desk for so long. All things on my desk are through the roof on the entertainment-o-meter, such as my Hulk Hogan finger puppet, a Skeletor eraser, a fossilized trilobite, action figures, and a ceramic bank made in the form of a baby on a toilet. It�s all completely amazing, mind-blowing material, the stuff on my desk. So if this Triscuit box has been here so long, it must be because of it�s entertainment value.

However, for one reason or another, I never took the time to evaluate why it is so amazing. As this evaluation must take place, anyway, I have decided to share with you, my fine readers, my careful and tedious battery of tests on one box.

The box itself seems relatively sturdy. On repeated dropping tests, the corners held up pretty well. But durability has never really been a part of entertainment. Sure, we can�t make a go-cart out of it like we could with a refridgerator box, but we�ll just have to deal with it, won�t we?

It�s a fairly happy box. It�s very yellow, for starters. So yellow, that it appears not to be advertising Triscuit consumption, but the color yellow. Sometimes I look at the box and think, "You know, I could go for some yellow right now," but never have I had even the slightest desire for "Baked Whole Wheat Wafers." This box is so yellow, it must have been the work of some kind of genius. It is impossible for anything to be so yellow, without the work of a true yellow mastermind. The guy who made this box probably has a yellow house, a yellow car, and a yellow suit. The box is that yellow. To complement the yellow, the box has a red triangle in the corner that says "Nabisco," which I believe is code for "yellow," and a red banner above the Triscuit logo that advertises my ability to "Go with Dan Marino," something mildly worrysome, until you realize that it�s just a football player inviting you to a game of some sort. Since this game is not the Superbowl, it�s obviously not a football game.

There is also quite a bit of text scattered all over the box, most of which is vastly unentertaining. There is lines and lines of very tiny print about rules over going to see "the game" with Dan Marino, and it tells me what sort of game I�ll be seeing at the very end. I was hoping that it was a high-stakes game of Pong, but it turns out it is a football game. My world is shattered, now that I know there are actually other football games than the Superbowl. I had always asumed that all that crazy stuff going on in our stadium was just people in jerseys really excited by the band at half-time.

The box also tells me, in no uncertain terms, that it is "Not For Nibblers." Well, of course not. No one who�s only hungry enough to nibble would eat a box. People who eat boxes are better defined as "Gluttons," "Starving," or "that kid who eats paste."

On one side of the box, I�m informed that I can "Discover endless family fun at: www.NabiscoWorld.com." Well, I went to their little website. And let me tell you, I swiftly found an end to the fun. Not even their "NabiscoWorld Mah-Jongg," in its sheer disregard for fun and cultural respect, could save them.

One amusing thing about this box is the nutrition facts. The serving size of Triscuits is a mere 7 wafers. While I�ve never partaken in this box, 7 wafers seems rather small. It even seems a little like... nibbling. Also, the box proudly proclaims to pirates everywhere that there is no vitamin C, keeping to their scurvy-centric diets.

This box is not as entertaining as it had been pretending to be. As yellow as it is, I have a box of Crayola crayons on my desk, and that�s pretty darn yellow, and at least ten times as entertaining. However, after running my final test�eating the contents of the box�I can assure you of one thing.

The box is more entertaining than what it holds, and it can�t even turn into a go-cart.